wider eyes

there is a song lyric from a little group called Dividing the Plunder that I really love. I don't even think they go by that name anymore, but I love the song. The song is called Perimeter of Me and it says:

"I want to live with wider eyes, there's far too much to see; to think of nothing else but where I've been and where I'll be. I've been longing for the freedom that is waiting silently in the life that's just beyond the small perimeter of me"

i recently listened to this and i felt like it perfectly expressed where i am right now. i feel really excited about my bible study diving into a study on the spirit in our lives & i just finished reading francis chan's crazy love this afternoon. we live in a culture that is so immersed in the idea that life is about us and what we want. i can't imagine how much of that thinking is part of the foundation of how i live. and more than that, how much of that is keeping me from what the God of the universe is wanting to do through me and in the world of the people i live in?

i know a lot of the ways i have been challenged lately is through francis chan's book, but the cool thing about that is he is just relaying what he has found by reading scripture and really taking a good look at it. if you really look at it, our life is not at all about our comfort or us having plenty and living to meet our own ends.

when i read this book, i sit there thinking things like "what if God tells me to move to Africa?" and it does scare me. why should that scare me? if He wants me there, that is where i will have the fullest life with the most joy and peace because i am in the center of His will. the fact that it scares me makes me think i am holding too tightly to the control of my life and my desires.

i don't know. i guess i just want to move beyond the point where a major change would scare me, and be in a position to welcome it. francis talks about how the times in his life that have been the most meaningful and satisfying have been the times where he has been completely out of control of his own life in situations where God has to come through. how often in my daily life am i so reliant on Him that if He didn't come through, i wouldn't make it through the day? hardly ever.

at the beginning of the summer i read God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew. he talked about how his missionary training was basically training and testing his faith to live off of nothing but prayer, not asking for any of his needs to be met, but relying on a God that meets those needs because we are His children, children of the King. God came through 100% of the time and in amazing ways.

i don't want to miss out on that provision because i am so comfortable.

sorry this is a lot of me mentally wrestling with this. i don't know what this should look like other than keeping my ears and eyes open to His spirit, and living with wider eyes. there is so much more beyond my life that i want so much more than my life.

every decision we make affects His kingdom in one way or the other. i want to start making decisions more based on that than what i want.

i think the part of the song that says "i've been longing for the freedom that is waiting silently in the life that's just beyond the small perimeter of me" is about John 10:10 and Matthew 6:33. If we seek first His kingdom, we will have life to the full, not just life that pursues ourselves.

on a light note (maybe needed at this point) megan and i went to visit one of the old high school girls that just moved into college and then went to a tc football game tonight and it was awesome. lots of faces of old friends we haven't seen all summer :) and some of the girls might just be teaching us the hoe-down throwdown dance (hannah montana..nbd) :)

*photo uploaded from flickr.com (user Ben)