into something beautiful

i have been a blog failure lately. i apologize. i figured i should start with that.

so i laid down about an hour ago to go to bed and tonight is one of those nights that i can't shut my mind off. even after i journaled some of these thoughts. usually i hate when i can't sleep when i want, but tonight i don't mind.

i just have this feeling that the Lord means to make something tremendous of this life i am living. i know he wants to mold me and form me into something that looks more like Him. i think that this past year has been really cool in that i have learned, well, i guess i have come to realize the depth of my need for Him. there was a long stretch of my walk with Christ where i really thought i had it all together for the most part. i was fairly self-sufficient.

i just feel like i am seeing my need daily. i feel like He is showing me the parts of my life that do not glorify him. this isn't in a self-depreciating way. i feel more like it is in a life-giving way. there is so much freedom in need. his grace and love is pushing me onto growth and dependency.

i just want to be refined, pruned, sharpened...molded into who he has in mind for me to be. i don't care about the process, just that it happens. i want life to the full. i don't want to miss out.

i like the jars of clay song "something beautiful". i just feel thankful that 8-somewhat years into this thing with God, i am still learning that there is so much area for growth and so much adventure still ahead.

i maybe should have learned by now that blogging at night when i am thinking too much might be a bad idea. maybe more than people care to read. anyway... its a tool to help me process i guess. :)

...on a very exciting note: tiny silas daniel poston was born yesterday! i want to meet him so bad! i will attempt to do this tomorrow :)